Natural Hair Idols

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A little over 3 years ago right before the 2008 new year, I decided that I was going to stop relaxing or “perming” my hair. I am not 100% sure why, I just know I said it and stopped. Come to think of it , maybe it had something to do with the fact that a week prior my house burned down and we lost every thing and this was the first new year I spent homeless…

Anywho, since I’d spent the last 11 years of my life relying on perm and a good Dominican blow out, I didn’t know what to do. I kept straightening it for a long time, but that damaged my hair and to make matters worst I dyed it. You can only imagine what that led to, fried and frizzy hair. For the first time in my life, my hair was not looking cute, my crown and glory was gone. As sad as it is for me to admit now, I hid behind my hair and looking like buckweed most of the time didn’t help my self esteem. Finally in September of 2009 my dear friend Q came over with Rhy and Cheray to give me the big chop ( all natural divas). She even brought a pair of “hair” scissors. She cut about 6 inches off. I almost cried… ok i cried after they left. Even then I still had tons of damaged hair. I still didn’t know what to do with my hair besides wash and gos and dabbing a little bit of Carol’s daughter hair milk. I did wash & gos everyday even in the winter for another year, another not so great idea. My hair didn’t grow much and I almost went back to perming because I didn’t want to deal with the madness that it was anymore. Finally in September 2010, I discovered youtube, and what it had to offer me in terms of advice on hair and how to take care of it. I discovered taren916 & Kiffe coco. They were amazing in providing help with what to do and how to take care of natural hair. So thanks ladies! below is a tutorial from Taren916.

 

 

 

To all of you

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I may not have grown up in a house where a man was in charge because my father passed away when I was 4 but where I lacked a paternal figure, the women around me from then until today definitely made up for most of the void I felt. Starting with my mom, at 5 feet tall she was and still is my rock. There isn’t a time when I don’t go to my mother for advice. She cries with me, prays with me and rejoices with me when times are good. I couldn’t imagine what my life would be like without her. Then there is my little sister, we fight like cats and dogs and become each others guard dogs against anyone who dare cross the other. It is a complex yet simple relationship and she my voice of reason my little baby who no matter how old she gets she will be that my baby who I always need to protect. My older sister has gone through so many hurdles in her life and she has managed to come out victorious and smiling despite the physical and emotional scars. I would have been quite satisfied with having those three to guide me in life but I keep being blessed with more and more amazing women. There are many other amazing women in my family, with the  main one being my cousin Nathalie. I love you cuzzy wuzzy 🙂

Then there are my friends, you guys have made me open up about things I never though that I could be honest about. I am more vocal, less timid and less of of a pushover because of you. I am now comfortable in expressing myself and in my own skin that ever was. I know that I can rely on all of you whatever, whenever, however.

These women have helped me heal, laugh, cry. I am a better person because of them and I am forever grateful, so this post is dedicated to you all. ALL of you who no matter what, when times were tough, good were there for me. I truly appreciate it

Desert Flower

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This past week was a stressful one for me. I was drained emotionally and mentally. So as I was unwinding and scamming through Youtube for hair inspirations and a little entertainment, I came across Desert Flower‘s movie trailer. Based on a true story, the film depicts Waris Dire’s life. She is a former Somali model turned human’s rights activist with an incredible story. At the age of 13 she fled her family in order to escape an arranged marriage to a much older man. In 1997 at the height of her modeling career she publicly spoke about the female genital mutilation she had to undergo as a child. Sometimes it takes listening, watching someone else’s life to see that some people’s past is dark and the circumstances from that past help shape them into the person they are today. This movie looks interesting and well made. I can’t wait for it to open in all theaters next month. I will follow up with a review once that happens.

Below is the trailer.

The perks of being in your 20s

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Lately I’ve been thinking about the year ending and the new year. At first I dreaded 2011 because that meant that soon I would turn 25. The dreaded 25, because as my older sister puts it, its all downhill from there. I remember back in high school thinking that 25 was old and how much I would have accomplished by then. When in reality today I am just getting started in my career and I haven’t done half the things I “should” have done. Then I came across an article titled ” How to be a 20 something”. Not only did it make me laugh but it reminded me that my 20s are suppose to be the time when I am carefree, making mistakes and not thinking too much about my future. Because quite frankly I have time. I mean c’mon, we have so many cures for so many things I’m sure that I will live to be 100.

I’m pretty sure that all my friends reading this are saying, about damn time. So instead of making resolutions for 2011, I’ve made some realizations and decisions on how to live the rest of my 20s

  1. Packing up and moving to a foreign country I’ve never visited or know the language isn’t a crazy idea, it is a great plan.
  2. Seeing someone just because you’re bored and want to have someone to sleep with on a regular basis is smart thinking. Who wants to be married now?
  3. Sleeping with someone who you have no intention on speaking to or hearing from again is THE best. Vacation anyone?
  4. Caring less about what people think of you and working on you loving you shouldn’t be some soul searching process, it’s how it should always be.
  5. Your self perception and how you really are can sometimes be contradictory.
  6. Thinking about where you should have been in your career by this age is unnecessary, unproductive and down right depressing. Chillax, if you’re still that way at 32 that’s when it becomes a problem.
  7. Men are people too with feelings even if you aren’t interested, a smile and a nod won’t kill you. He may be a frog today but a prince tomorrow.
  8. Being single is awesome!!! ( came to that conclusion, this morning, 12/18/10, yes I need a date, its that important)
  9. Sometimes settling isn’t bad, its a strategic move.
  10. Not getting what you want when you want is always a blessing in disguise. Sounds cliche but its so true.

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For a good laugh check out the article  http://thoughtcatalog.com/2010/how-to-be-a-20-something/

How about you? What do you think are some perks of being in your 20s?

Dreams have a meaning behind them sometimes

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I’ve been sick with the flu on and off for the past week and instead of taking it easy and sleeping and focusing on getting better, I have just been working harder and going on as if I am not sick. Let me say this, mind over body thinking hasn’t work for me because a week a later I am worst than I was before. So last Thurday, after another long work day, I get home at 10pm eat and go to bed and end up having one of the weirdest dreams I have had in a while

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I dreamed that I was part of a family of witches, but the funny thing was that none of of my family members were actually related to me because we all looked different. My family and I would go through different obstacles battling demons and ghosts. The last battle we had was with a ghost at his house and during it he fell in love with one of my sisters, we didn’t kill him but he vowed to get revenge and get my sister and to keep her for forever. After that everyone started noticing that the sister was slowly being drained, becoming a shell of her old self. The ghost was slowly sucking the life out of her. Weird I know but go with it. So to keep her from completely being drained the other “sisters” and I take her out for her bday to a bar so we can all let loose. While I am on the dance floor, I notice this cutie looking at me, but all he is doing is looking and not making a move so to get him to come over I pretend to fall on the floor and “hurting” my ankle. Mister eye candy rushes to my side and brings me to a couch. Side note: it kills me that I am better at getting a guy’s attention in my dream than I am in real life, smh. So mister eye candy brings me to the couch I sit on his lap and we start talking. I’m asking him questions about himself and “getting to know” him better. Problem is that since I am a witch, I can read his mind so me asking all of these questions are just a formality because I already know the answer to all of them. Finally  mister eye candy kisses me, and it is the most passionate kiss I’ve had in a while, another sad observation. But this is all cut short because our “father” is outside picking us up. So I offer mister eye candy a ride home because I know that he didn’t drive and that the bus 30 doesn’t run as often this late and that his neighborhood isn’t great, this is all without him saying anything to me. Why this dream is specific, I have no idea. I’ve had this dream before but in reverse where my family and I are the ghost’s house fighting him to get my sister back because he has her and wont let her go.

I am usually pretty good at interpreting dreams, mostly others’ and sometimes my own but this one left me puzzled. When I tell my friend Nikki and my cousin Nat about it, they both said that I have the most vivid imagination ever. Since the dream didn’t make sense to me, I just though that  I shouldn’t have gone to bed right after eating. But still decided to tell one more more person about it because it couldn’t just be that I am crazy or that I have a vivid imagination.  And it turned out that she gave me a really good interpretation.

” The sister that is being slowly drained and sucked in by the ghost represents one of your friends or an actual sister or someone really close to you that you think that you are slowly losing to someone.” That made perfect sense since I view my friends as my sisters and one in particular I have been worried about being taken away by her bf forever. Yes I am that clingy and one of my biggest fear is to have those who I care about the most leave me. The reason behind that will be part of another post.

” Winnie you have this thing where you think that you already know what every guy you meet is already thinking, and that nothing he will say will be anything new. So you set him and you up for failure before anything even happens” Damn, even my unconscious is tell me to stop being so picky and judgmental.

After hearing her say that to me, the dream wasn’t so weird anymore. I guess sometimes dreams do have meanings behind them. Have you ever had a dream that helped you figure something out?

Stillness is the Move

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Stillness Is The Move Lyrics

When the child was just a child
It did not know what it was
Like a child it had no habits
No opinions about anything

Maybe I will get a job
Get a job as a waitress
Maybe waiting tables in a diner
In some remote city down the highway

Chorus:
After all that we’ve been through
I know we can make it after the wait the question is a truth
There is nothing we can’t do
I’ll see you along the way baby the stillness is the move

Aaaaaah oooooh x2

On top of every mountain
There was a great longing
For another even higher mountain
In each city longing
For a bigger city

After all that we’ve been through
I know that I will always love you
From now until forever baby
I can’t imagine anything better

(chorus)

Isn’t life under the sun just a crazy dream?
Isn’t life just a mirage of The world before the world?
Why am I here and not baby over there?
Where did time begin?
Where does space end?
Where do you and I begin?

Shades of the Border

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Being Haitian born and having lived in Haiti until the age of 12, I was taught in school about Haitian history as well as the violence Haitians suffered at the hands of its neighbors. Haitians and Dominicans have had this deep rooted hate for each other for as long as I can remember. Some reasoning behind this distaste for each other is found in history. From 1822-1842 a Haitian President Jean Pierre Boyer ruled over the island of Hispaniola. Many Dominican historians have portrayed this period as cruel and barbarous, however during this time Boyer freed Santo Domingo’s slaves.

In October 1937, Dominican President Rafael Trujillo ( who’s mother was half Haitian) ordered the execution of the Haitian population living within the borderlands of DR,  killing approximately 30,000 within 5 days.  The reason behind the Parsley Massacre was that Trujillo wanted to “purify” his nation from any negro or black blood.

Although Trujillo is long dead and gone, his beliefs that Dominicans are superior to Haitians because of their “Spanish blood” is very much alive  in DR today. I have met many who claim that be direct descendants of Spaniards or who will go as far as saying that they are white because of their fairer complexion, the latter gets a major side eye from me every time.

I came across a video called Shades of the Border where the narrator, a journalist living in DR, starts with the proverb ” every Dominican carries a little bit of Haitian behind his ear”

This diary post is close to my heart because, I hear and see what is described and seen in this video all of the time. My mom once said to me ” Dominicans will always hate Haitians because we as a nation are proud of our blackness we embrace it, we welcome it. We even greet each other that way, calling ourselves neg lakay, Dominicans are still hiding from theirs”

Read, watch  and discuss and do not be afraid to be controversial.

Do you dare to yoga?

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A little bit over a month ago, my dear friend Johanna encouraged me to sign up for Bikram yoga with her. She went on about how much it helps with weight lost, how it would help my arthritis ect ect. Finally I said ok, I will do it, $30 for 30 days wasn’t a bad deal so I figured why not. I must say my first class was brutal. Anyone who says Bikram yoga is easy is lying. It was the hardest thing I have ever tried. I wasn’t sure what to expect but since I am trying to be open minded about things I decided to just go with it. The room felt like the subway station in July, hot, smelly and crowded. Once I got pass the smell, I settled into my little corner and made it through the entire 90 minute session without passing out. When I went home that night, I had THE best sleep of my life. I felt younger, my skin felt amazing and my body felt great. It was then I realized that Johanna wasn’t lying. I went to 5 classes and I must say they did help with my back, and most of all it help me realize that I can do things I never though would be possible. Bikram yoga is a mind and body experience, it teaches you that the body can and will do anything the mind tells it to do.  One more item checked off the “to do list as Rhy calls it since I am way too young to have a bucket list.

Oh another benefit Bikram yoga has is the ability to be flexible, I can now bend my body a lot easier than before 😉

I  plan on continuing trying out new things and encourage anyone and everyone to do the same. I am so glad that I have a friend like Johanna who always encourages and invites me to do tons of new and different things and never stops until I say yes. Love her to death.

 

Below is a video of what its like  enjoy!

 

My perfect imperfections

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As of lately I have been on this personal quest of self love and realizing self worth. I now truly understand what my friend Toni has been telling me since we were 14 years old. Us being special and not ordinary has nothing to do with what people think of us but everything to do with what we think of ourselves. ” No one can’t tell me sh*t, I know who I am and if I don’t feel hot that day, I will fake it until eventually I actually believe it” Gotta love my friends. I heart you Toni!

I stumbled across Andreaschoice video about her perfect imperfections. On her video she lists 3 things she doesn’t like about herself, but she wouldn’t change for the world, and 3 things she loves about herself. Her reasoning behind it is to make everyone aware that no one is perfect and to embrace your perfect imperfections.

My 3 perfect imperfections are

  1. My height: I am 5’3 1/2 but put 5’4 on my driver’s license so I can at least be 5’4 in theory .
  2. My mini mouse voice: I sound like I am 10 years old when I am 24 years old.
  3. The size of my feet & hands: one special friend refers to them as incredible hulk feet

3 things that I love about myself

  1. My skin: I have been blessed with great skin and make it a point to take care of it. When I was younger I used to think that I was ugly because I was brown and everyone else in my family including my own sisters weren’t. My mother made it a point to tell me how beautiful I was just the way I was and that sun kissed skin is the best skin to have.
  2. My hair: I have great hair, all of my life I’ve had long, thick gorgeous hair and this is true today (except for the long part, because I am now growing my hair natural). Ironically just as I was jealous of the fact that my little sister was yellow, she would cry and ask my mom why she didn’t have hair like mine.
  3. My eyes, I used to think that they were nothing special because they aren’t big like my sisters or green like my grandmother’s or aunts. But once again my mother told me that the color of your eyes is nothing in comparison to the shape and that I had great shaped eyes. I believed her and I still do.

I obviously have a profound respect and love for my mother as she has helped me with my self esteem more than anyone could have. She as a single mother raised two daughters well. Below is Andrea’schoice video.

PS. My dear friend Toni has her own blog check it out http://tonixoxo.wordpress.com/

Today’s diary posting is long, but I had a lot to say.

What are your perfect imperfections?

Happy reading!

Love Poem

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There are times when I think back about how love used to be when I was younger. I know that 24 isn’t old but frankly its been a while since someone wrote me a love note, a love poem, gave me a card just because. Whatever happened to that? Why did the love notes and sweet letters stop? They are still the way to my heart. I wish men and women realized that sweet words have more weight than how much money a person has, or how much swag they have.  These days  all I get is guys who think that telling me about their jobs and how much money they make is somehow supposed to impress me.  I would love to meet someone who for once would be himself and try to be romantic. No I am not expecting to be serenaded but opening doors, pulling out my chair and trying to get to know me better, taking me out somewhere other than the movies or dinner, would be nice. Out of my group of friends, I am the “Charlotte” as in the romantic who always believes in prince charming  and waiting for him to sweep me off my feet.  When I saw “Love Poem medley” I fell in love with the words. Gentlemen please take note and express yourself to your lady. Ladies please appreciate them when they do.

Little Fly

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Sometimes when you can’t find the right words to say what you are thinking or going through, you just play a song that says it for you. Music in the right hands can be a beautiful thing. The kind of music that is getting airplay today is quite frankly mostly trash. How many times can you say I got money, hoes and I pop bottles in the club before it gets old? But there are times when a serious artist with serious talent comes out and sings exactly what you want and need to hear. Esperanza Spalding, a 26 year old virtuoso bassist and vocalist  influenced by Ron Carter & Dave Holland, is one of them. She has talent, you can see in her performances that she sings from within and feels the music.

In her song “Little Fly” Spalding  sings the William Blake poem

 

To read more on Spalding http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esperanza_Spalding

What’s your style?

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What’s your style? Is it urban? bohemian? What is it? What influences you? What helps you decide which store to go to to buy clothes? How do you do your hair? For me its my mother and my friends. It always starts with my mother. This blog is named after a nick name my mother and I have for each other. I remember going though my mother’s old pics and loving her clothes and wishing that she saved them for me. For a more modern influence I have my friends. Each one of our group, aka the band as we have been named ( this story will be another blog post), have our own individual style. They have inspired me to create my very own. These women are fierce and are comfortable in their own skin and even if they don’t feel like it a day they will fake it until even they start believing it. Love them! ❤

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Natural Hair; natural me

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A few years ago I made the decision to go natural, as in I stopped perming, or relaxing my hair. Every time people ask me why,  I find myself giving each person a different answer. That’s because frankly I don’t know for sure. It wasn’t because my hair was breaking off, if anything my hair couldn’t have been any healthier. It was long straight and black and gorgeous. I just decided that I didn’t want to spend a whole Saturday getting my hair done anymore and stuck with it. But what I can say is that my journey has been more than just about my going natural. My transition was more therapeutic than anything else because I didn’t have my long locks to hide behind. I was transparent, bare. It forced me to realize that being beautiful had very little to do with the outside in comparison to the inside. During my transition I was forced to let go of the pain from my past and become a new me and  I love me. I have a much higher sense of self worth and I am no longer angry at the things that happened to me. So now when I think about my natural I think about the therapeutic relief it gave me and I am glad.

Natural hair=natural me

A Diary left opened, read & discuss.

Pretty Girl

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Anyone who knows me will say that I am a person of few words. Not because I have nothing to say but because I have so many things that I want to say. I have all these thoughts without knowing how to express them wondering if it makes sense to anyone listening.

I started this blog as a way to express the million things that I feel, think and experience.  This video by Rahmes100 on Youtube describes the pitfalls of being a pretty girl and in many ways, describes me and what I went through in my childhood being the pretty girl

*A diary left unopened, so read and discuss*